Marizanne Naested: Articles and Posts

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Life After Baby: What Happens to Us?

I recently had the privilege of speaking with Moms After Dark ZA about one of the most important—and least talked about—transitions a couple can go through: life after having a baby.

While we often celebrate the arrival of a new baby with joy and excitement, the truth is that the postpartum period can be deeply challenging for both parents. Yes, there is often a beautiful “baby glow” in the beginning—but as sleepless nights, physical recovery, and identity shifts settle in, many couples find themselves feeling overwhelmed, disconnected, and unsure of how to navigate their new normal.

During the interview, we focused on the emotional impact not only on the birthing parent, but also on the partner who didn’t give birth—a perspective that doesn’t get nearly enough attention.

I discuss  what Postnatal Depression Might Look Like in the Non-Birthing Partner

Many people are surprised to learn that partners can experience postnatal depression too. The symptoms might look a bit different, but they are just as valid:

• Increased irritability or withdrawal

• Feelings of helplessness or resentment

• Loss of interest in things they once enjoyed

• A sense of failure or inadequacy

• Difficulty bonding with the baby

This can be especially hard if both partners are silently struggling but don’t know how to bring it up—and that’s where communication becomes vital.

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Rebuilding Connection: After a baby is born, couples often shift into survival mode. But a healthy relationship requires tending—even more so during this tender time. 

Support Before and After Baby Arrives

The truth is, there’s no way to fully prepare for the emotional impact of becoming parents—but you can build tools, understanding, and realistic expectations that support your bond through the transition.

I offer in-person and online counselling sessions for expecting couples and for new parents, helping you navigate the relationship shifts and identity changes that naturally arise during this stage.

Whether you’re preparing for a baby or already in the thick of new parenthood, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to figure it out without support. Reach out to book a session if you’d like help navigating this season with greater connection, compassion, and clarity.

Because when a baby is born, so is a new version of each partner—and your relationship deserves the space to grow, too.

Youtube / Spotify: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2Mr8ZEsaiA&t=1s

South Africa faces a severe challenge with sexual violence, recording one of the highest incidences of rape globally. In the 2022/2023 fiscal year, approximately 53,500 sexual offenses were reported, with around 80% being rape cases (statista). 

These alarming statistics underscore the urgent need to address the fundamentals of consent. The World Health Organization (WHO) emphasizes that sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and relationships, ensuring experiences are free from coercion and violence. 

Key Principles of Consent:

1. Freely Given: Consent must be provided without pressure, manipulation, or under the influence of substances.
2. Reversible: Individuals have the right to withdraw consent at any point, and all activity must cease immediately upon withdrawal.
3. Informed: All parties should have a clear understanding of the nature of the activity they are consenting to. True transparency is needed to ensure full informed consent. 
4. Enthusiastic: Consent should be an active, eager agreement, not merely the absence of a “no.”
5. Specific: Agreeing to one activity doesn’t imply consent to others; each act requires its own consent.

From a sociological perspective, promoting these principles is essential in combating the normalisation of sexual violence. Implementing comprehensive sexuality education (CSE) is a proactive approach. CSE provides young people with accurate, age-appropriate information about sexuality and sexual health, fostering respect, consent, and bodily autonomy (Unesco guidelines). 

Well-informed individuals are more likely to make responsible choices, leading to positive health outcomes and a reduction in sexual violence incidents. 

Addressing South Africa’s rape crisis necessitates a collective effort to instill and uphold the principles of consent, ensuring that all individuals can engage in relationships characterised by respect and mutual agreement.

Your Body Remembers – And It Can Also Heal

When we go through something traumatic—whether it’s a sudden shock, prolonged stress, or early childhood wounding—our bodies remember. Even if our minds try to move on or forget, the tension and survival responses often remain held deep in the muscles and nervous system.

This is where TRE®, or Tension & Trauma Releasing Exercises, comes in.

TRE® is a somatic body-based practise developed by Dr. David Berceli. It’s grounded in the understanding that the body has a natural, built-in mechanism for releasing stress and trauma: neurogenic tremoring. Think of how your body might shake after a fright—that trembling is your nervous system discharging excess adrenaline and coming back into balance. Unfortunately, many of us have been conditioned to suppress this—told to “hold it together” or “stay strong” rather than let the body do what it’s designed to do.

In TRE®, a trained practitioner (like myself) helps clients safely access this natural tremor response through a series of gentle exercises, creating a safe space for the body to release what it couldn’t at the time of the trauma.

Making the Body Feel Safe Again

What makes TRE® so profound is that it starts with the body—not the story. Rather than analysing or reliving past experiences, it gently invites the nervous system back into a state of calm and safety. For many people, especially those with trauma that feels unspeakable or hard to put into words, this is where deep healing begins.

As someone who both practises TRE® personally and facilitates it for clients, I’ve witnessed the subtle but powerful shifts it can bring. I’ve seen chronic tension soften, deep emotional release arise, and a renewed sense of connection to the self—all without needing to “talk it through” in a traditional sense.

Why I Integrate TRE® with Talk Therapy

While I value the insight and depth that talk therapy offers, I also recognise its limitations—especially when it comes to trauma. Talk therapy works from the top down: engaging the mind in an attempt to reach the body. But trauma often lives beneath the surface, beyond language or logic.

That’s why I integrate TRE® into my work with clients. It helps create enough safety in the body for deeper emotional work to unfold. When the nervous system is calm, the mind can follow.

This approach is especially useful when someone feels overwhelmed by triggers, stuck in their process, or unsure how to access what they’re feeling. TRE® offers a grounded, somatic entry point into the healing journey.

The Science Behind It: Trauma Lives in the Body

If you’ve read The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, you’ll be familiar with the idea that trauma isn’t just psychological—it’s physiological. Dr. van der Kolk explores how trauma reshapes both brain and body, and why body-based practises like TRE® are crucial to real, lasting recovery.

I often recommend this book to clients who want to better understand the science behind what we’re doing. It sheds light on why simply talking through an experience is sometimes not enough—and why involving the body is so essential.

If You’re Curious About TRE®…

You don’t need to have gone through a major trauma to benefit from TRE®.

We all carry stress. We all have moments when our bodies didn’t get to complete their natural stress response. TRE® can help you release built-up tension, reconnect with your body, and feel more grounded in your day-to-day life.

Whether you’re preparing to go deeper in therapeutic work or simply looking for a tool to regulate your nervous system, TRE® offers a gentle, effective path to healing—from the inside out.

If this resonates with you, I’d love to support you.

Your body holds so much wisdom—and it’s never too late to start listening.

 Why See a Sexologist for Relationship Counselling – Even If Your Sex Life Feels "Fine" 

When people hear the word “sexologist,” they often think, “Ah, that’s not really for me. My sex life isn’t that bad,” or “We’re not looking to spice things up.” But here’s the thing — relationship counselling with a sexological edge goes way beyond just bedroom talk.

In fact, working with someone who has sexological training can offer deeper, more transformative insights into your relationship — even if sex isn’t the issue. And yes, it’s something worth exploring whether you’re dating, married, parenting, or somewhere in between.

Here’s why:

Sexologists aren’t only focused on the act of sex. We’re trained to understand the many layers of intimacy — emotional, sensual, physical, psychological. We look at how you connect, express vulnerability, experience closeness, and navigate boundaries.

You might be surprised how often seemingly “non-sexual” issues in a relationship — like recurring arguments, a feeling of disconnect, or lack of affection — are linked to deeper intimacy needs. That’s where a sexological perspective can make all the difference.

Unlike traditional counselling that often focuses mostly on thoughts and behaviours, sexological relationship work brings in the mind, body, and nervous system. It's a more holistic process that honours how we feel, respond, and connect — not just what we think or say.

This can be particularly powerful for those navigating long-term stress, birth trauma, parenting pressures, or past emotional wounds.

Let’s be honest — South Africans aren’t always raised to talk openly about touch, affection, desire, or shame. Working with a sexologist gives you a safe, open, and non-judgemental space to voice the things you’ve never quite known how to bring up — whether it’s about low desire, body image, sexual pain, or feeling “switched off.”

Even if these aren’t huge concerns right now, having a space to talk about them can prevent future breakdowns and deepen your emotional safety as a couple.

Not everyone wants more sex. But almost everyone wants more connection — more cuddles, more closeness, more laughter, more of that "us" feeling. A sexological counsellor helps you name, explore, and honour those longings — without making it all about performance or frequency.

It’s about shifting from “just surviving” in your relationship to truly feeling seen, heard, and valued.

We live in a world that pushes us into our heads and away from our bodies. A sexological approach — especially when paired with somatic practices like TRE (Tension & Trauma Releasing Exercises) — helps you reconnect with your own physical and emotional signals.

This kind of body-based work can calm your nervous system, release stored tension, and increase your capacity for joy, presence, and closeness. It’s powerful, gentle, and deeply healing.

You don’t need a “crisis” to come for counselling. In fact, the best time to come is often when things are “okay” — but could be better. A sexologically-trained counsellor helps you strengthen your relationship foundations, explore your values, and build the kind of intimacy that evolves with you over time.

Sexologists are typically trained to work affirmatively with all people — across relationship styles, gender identities, sexual orientations, and cultural backgrounds. If you’ve ever felt like you didn’t fit the mould in a typical counselling room, this space might feel like coming home.

Whether you’re looking to reconnect with your partner, heal from past hurts, explore new ways of being together, or just feel more at home in your own body — sexological relationship counselling offers something truly unique.

It’s not about having “more” or “better” sex (unless that’s what you want). It’s about expanding the way you love, feel, and relate — to yourself and to each other.

📍Based in Johannesburg’s northern suburbs? I offer in-person and online sessions for individuals and couples. You're welcome exactly as you are — whether your relationship feels tangled, tender, or just a bit tired.

📩 Ready to explore? Get in touch and let’s start the conversation: info@lovecounsel.co.za or whatsapp +27 064 534 7046